Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Dear Breyers...


Dear Breyers,

I'm writing to let you know that as of tomorrow, or maybe right this minute, I will be calling my broker to buy as many shares of your stock as possible! Obviously, since you've made your packages smaller (1.75 quarts down to 1.50 quarts), your profits will be huge! I know, I know, it's really the fact of the rising cost to transport your yummy ice cream, wink, wink. Also, undoubtedly you didn't want to hit your faithful, loyal, and I suppose generally stupid customers with a price increase. Hence, the brilliant idea to just make a smaller package.

I'm sure as it was discussed in your executive board room, you instinctively knew no one would notice a little bit smaller pakage. But, oh they would notice a price increase. So for obvious reasons, you don't even have to make a "comment" on this latest downsizing, just keeping the one that occured a year ago on your web site. Ingenious!

I will warn you though, that Edy's has caught on to this little gem of an idea as well. So truly I find myself at a quandry as to which company to invest my money in. But again, I say bravo to those of you at the top (who I'm sure are making huge salary sacrifices) just to meet your margins. By putting all these strategies together you're sure to see more and more greenbacks headed your way :)

Let's just hope that Turkey Hill doesn't find out about this! They've made a huge miscalculation on letting their packages stay the same size. So their 1.75 quart packages are going to look awfully funny next to yours. Hahahaha...the jokes on them!

So, thank you, thank you, thank you! Once again big business has come out right where they should be...on top!

xoxo ~L

2 Shout Out:

Pumpkin Head Baby Co said...

You are hysterical! Love it!

Happy House Quilts said...

hee hee....glad ben and jerry's hasn't changed...although i don't get to enjoy it as much...only can eat it (NY Super Fudge Chunk) the week before chemo as the taste buds are reeking havoc on me!

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